30 Lines that will make you smile...
THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13..God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14..The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15..Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16..Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18..Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19..Procrastinate Now!
20..I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.
25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26.A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times
the memory.
27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a
pig.
28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on
P.M.S.... The Hidden Agenda
TAKE ALL AMERICAN WOMEN WHO ARE WITHIN FIVE YEARS OF MENOPAUSE , TRAIN US FOR A FEW WEEKS, OUTFIT US WITH AUTOMATIC WEAPONS,GRENADES, GAS MASKS, MOISTURIZER WITH SPF 15, PROZAC, HORMONES, CHOCOLATE AND CANNED TUNA, DROP US(PARACHUTED PREFERABLY) ACROSS THE LANDSCAPE OF IRAQ, AND LET US DO WHAT COMES NATURALLY.
THINK ABOUT IT...OUR ANGER QUOTIENT ALONE, EVEN WHEN DOING STANDARD STUFF LIKE GROCERY SHOPPING, AND PAYING BILLS, IS FORMIDABLE ENOUGH TO MAKE EVEN ARMED MEN IN TURBANS TREMBLE.
WE'VE HAD OUR CHILDREN, WE WOULD GLADLY SUFFER OR DIE TO PROTECT THEM AND THEIR FUTURE.
WE'D LIKE TO GET AWAY FROM OUR HUSBANDS, IF THEY HAVEN'T LEFT ALREADY. AND FOR THOSE OF US WHO ARE SINGLE, THE PROSPECT OF FINDING A GOOD MAN WITH WHOM TO SHARE LIFE IS ABOUT AS LIKELY AS BEING STRUCK BY LIGHTENING. WE HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.
WE'VE SURVIVED THE WATER DIET, THE PROTEIN DIET, THE CARBOHYDRATE DIET, AND THE GRAPEFRUIT DIET IN GYMS AND SAUNAS ACROSS AMERICA AND NEVER LOST A POUND. WE CAN EASILY SURVIVE MONTHS IN THE HOSTILE TERRAIN OF IRAQ WITH NO FOOD AT ALL.
UNITING ALL THE WARRING TRIBES OF IRAQ IN A NEW GOVENENMENT ?.
OH PLEASE... WE'VE PLANNED THE SEATING ARRANGEMENTS FOR IN-LAWS AND EXTENDED FAMILIES AT THANKSGIVING DINNERS FOR YEARS...WE UNDERSTAND TRIBAL WARFARE.
BETWEEN US, WE'VE DIVORCED ENOUGH HUSBANDS TO KNOW EVERY TRICK THERE IS FOR HOW THEY HIDE, LAUNDER, OR COVER UP BANK ACCOUNTS AND MONEY AND WE KNOW HOW TO SEIZE IT ....WITH OR WITHOUT THE GOVERNMENT'S HELP.
LET US GO AND FIGHT. THE TALIBAN HATES WOMEN. IMAGINE THEIR TERROR AS WE CRAWL LIKE ANTS WITH HOT-FLASHES OVER THEIR GODFORSAKEN TERRAIN.
I'M GOING TO WRITE MY CONGRESSWOMAN. YOU SHOULD TOO!!!!!
